Month: September 2005

From a BBC article about a shooting at Harvey Nicks:

Also in the restaurant was Bristol University student Natasha Horsey, 20, who said: “My friend came to join us at 8 o’clock and she was not allowed upstairs so I went down to get her.

“They just evacuated us. We were in the middle of supper.”

Bristol University? Natasha Horsey? “supper“? Why not just call her Alice Sloane and be done with it…

Also this week, an article in the indie discussed the shocking reality that more and more women are choosing to have breast enlargements. Later on in the article (and this bit is sadly no longer online), there was a quote from a representative of the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons who decried the current trend. Helpfully, the article included the abbreviation for this organisation, even though it wasn’t referred to again. The abbreviation? Well, of course, it’s BAAPS.

Surely shome mishtake?

What a day so far, and still anything could happen. In the absence of a TV anywhere near my desk, I have had the BBC’s Test Match Special in one ear for most of the day. Actually I haven’t dared put the headphone down during play since the only time I actually did that today, when Glenn McGrath took two wickets with consecutive balls (and was almost getting a third by the time I returned from the printer).

Last night we caught up with some very glum Australian friends who’d spent the day at the Oval. I can understand their frustration, but I can’t help thinking that their reaction to our batsmen taking the bad light in the early afternoon has its roots in something of a wish not to admit that they’ve been beaten–just as Ricky Ponting was moaning the other week about England’s use of substitutes, if by some miracle we do manage to hold on and win back the ashes today it will not be because we have comprehensively outplayed the Aussies for the whole summer, but because we unsportingly left the field of play when it was too dark to carry on. I can’t help but think that their team would have done the same had the positions been reversed (especially after their batsmen did exactly that on Friday), but there you go. Oh, but I forgot, it’s us with the reputation for winging, isn’t it? Hmm. Perhaps the Australian supporters need a quick lesson in the art of losing (I know I’ve had plenty of practice at this myself, as a follower of Everton and the various English national teams).

UPDATE (16:48): …and maybe this might be it. I think Pietersen’s 150+ (seven 6s… can you believe it?) might just be enough for us to get that damn urn back. (Although I don’t expect it to be long before someone points out that he was born in South Africa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…)

Elsewhere, on the BBC website:

“1459: Rick Warr emails to say:

Nice to see the streaker spent more time at the crease than Ian Bell did…”

Inspired by today’s Warming Up, I have been amusing myself with some casual work avoidance tactics by perusing the various reviews of the shows we saw at Edinburgh on the official fringe website.

As Richard himself points out, the reviews of his own show are somewhat polarised, and as such there is plenty of amusement value to be had in reading the reviews that give him the lowest ratings (rather like that game you can play on Amazon where you look for classic novels, albums, or films and sort the customer reviews in reverse order).

Jenny, from Glasgow, for example, has clearly had a sarcasm bypass:

“As he said at the end of the show, he’s been in stand-up so long he doesn’t do it for the audiences enjoyment but for his, and if he notices people aren’t laughing he loves to go on and on and on watching them squirm with boredom, which is not much fun if you’re in the audience.”

Well indeed Jenny, I’m sure that when he says that he intends it to be taken literally.

Elsewhere: “His material was boring and offensive and just for the record, this review is not written by either of the 2 women who walked out.” Hmm. Methinks the lady doth protest too much…

It’s not just confined to the Herring. Stewart Lee’s reviews are mostly the glowing 5 star reviews that you would expect, but in amongst them are gems like these:

“The reason we went was the recommendation by Ricky Gervais. ??? Don’t believe it. After too long one man walked out. I wished I had followed. I wanted to laugh, but instead sat there contemplating the meaning of life.”

“We obviously hadn’t done enough research on him to get all his ‘jokes’ or seemingly pointless tirade against the church, or Joe Pasquale (who i wish was there instead).”

Well if you genuinely have no idea why Stewart Lee might be a little miffed at the church (in spite of the fact that he mentions this several times during the show), then it’s just possible that you are in the wrong place. But seriously, Joe Pasquale? Perhaps you’d be better off with Tim Vine and his collection of excruciating puns. If ever you needed proof that most people are idiots, and are so very very wrong most of the time, just try reading some of the glowing reviews awarded to this pathetic excuse for a comedian. (“Tim Vine is a comic great whose delivery is so funny on its own he finds no need to swear or delve into taboo material.” And that’s a good thing?) Jeez. 10 minutes of the man was 10 too many for me. I can’t begin to imagine what a whole hour would be like.